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Things I Think About While Shaving My Legs

Ever since high school, shaving my legs has been a thing — but not in the way you might think. You see, I went to an all-girls high school and that translated to multiple things. The first being that I was in tights almost every day. When I wasn’t in tights, I was in knee socks and a knee-length skirt. On any given day, only approximately 4 inches of my legs were visible to the world. The second thing? There were no boys in my school. So, really, if I had hair on my legs, did anyone really care? Short answer: No.

I got used to the “quick shave” — only shaving what’s necessary, when necessary. I’m also lucky enough that I have great skin and I don’t have to use any shaving cream or even water. I dry shave — a lot. I’ve shaved in my car, on the beach, basically wherever, whenever.

As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve noticed that the backs of my legs, especially the upper portion, just don’t get shaved all that often. I think about it like this: If I can’t see it, neither can anyone else. I know that’s not true but it’s worked for me, so mind your business.

These days, the only time I actually shave both of my legs in their entirety is when I’m going on a beach vacation (notice the vacation qualifier). That happens a couple of times per year (lucky me), but each and every time, I have these thoughts in the shower.

1. When is the last time I actually shaved?

2. Thems some long hairs.

3. Damn.

4. I wonder if anyone has noticed.

5. Where does my leg stop and my butt cheek start?

6. Did I just shave my butt?

7. We’re shaving butts now.

8. Is my razor dull?

9. Did it get dull just from shaving my butt?

10. Is my leg really this big?

11. I feel like I might run out of hot water.

12. Should I shave my mustache?

::shaves mustache::

13. Maybe I should just get waxed.

14. Waxing is expensive.

15. I’d rather spend my money on vacation.

16. When’s the last time I changed my razor?

17. Ok, I almost fell.

18. My balance is off.

19. I’m too young for this.

20. Or maybe I’m old. What’s old anyway? 45?

21. Did I already shave this leg?

22. THAT didn’t feel good.

23. Was that my back?

24. I wonder if my back is hairy…

25. I can’t shave my back.

26. How big are my goddamn thighs?

27. I can’t be the only female who thinks these things.

28. I should blog about this.

29. All of this hair is going to grow back by the morning.

30. Maybe I should invest in laser hair removal.

31. But vacations.

32. But shaving… heh, butt shaving.

33. Do they charge by the size of your leg?

34. Are my legs really that big?

35. HOW are my toes hairy?

::shaves toes::

36. Ohh silky.

37. How long have I been in here?

::gets out of the shower::

38. That was literally exhausting.

39. Wait. Is that?

40. How the actual fuck did I miss a patch of hair on the front of my leg?